On missing toothbrushes…and all other matters ancilliary

I feel the need to warn you about my love for saying “all other matters ancilliary”. It doesn’t always mean there is an ancilliary matter.

With that out of the way,this post is some 33hours old.(Data plan gave no warning signals,just expired on me like Nepa). We are constantly warned to watch what we do in front of our kids. Some people do not learn and sometimes,they underestimate the copy-cat stunt their kids may pull on the most harmless looking activity they engage in.

I have rescued a Toothbrush once from The Boss. He had been watching keenly while I used an old toothbrush to clean out my muddy trainers. So he got back from school one day and triumphantly exclaimed when I passed


See I did. You must learn to rise above your exasperation of the shoes in water,scrubbed amateurly with your very current  tooth-brush. You must even stretch out and say

“Ah,my boy is getting big,so you cleaned your shoes yourself ehn?”

After that,go to the room and pretend nothing happened.

So today, I couldn’t find my toothbrush. No footwears in water were seen loitering round the house but that kid is still my prime suspect. A whole day ‘s search and a final resort to gargling with mouthwash still did not feel right. After debating within myself and plotting the crime in such a way that I would not be caught, I made a grab for Kabiyesi’s own. I had heard him say long before we thought we would get married that he could not share toothbrush.

Had this view changed?

My friend Chukwuma always say “Na after pesin don think say the piss don finish, e go piss for body”

If I had stuck to my earlier plan of brushing real quick and returning it to its place before he found out, all would have been fine. I got carried away,smiling at myself in the mirror and imagining I was a toothpaste brand ambassador. I even added some beats in my head and began to dance. When I was finally done, done as in completely done, just to leave the place. I met him and a friend he was coming to show the bathroom.

Stupid No.2. Why didn’t I brush in our own Bathroom?

Never a successful smooth criminal, I was caught in mini seconds.

Kabiyesi: Well done

I burst out laughing,he laughed too.





Ten minutes later

He asked casually “The supermarket is too far,do you know if the mallam down the road sells toothbrush?”

Trust women,we can turn from the offenders to offended in Milli-seconds.

“Ehen,so you cannot share brush with me abi? I’m not kissing you again. You can chop kiss but you cannot share brush”

“Tonto Dike like you” He sneered.

The Tonto-Dike joke;there was this movie Tonto was singing to one dude “Isusu o mu onu,o dika mmanya na egbu mu o” (Anytime you kiss me I feel intoxicated). This is the point where I should use both hands and cover my blushing face.

Anyway,the morning after I saw that he used the same brush. I won’t double check on the sharing by using it again. After all, i dont think I am a toothbrush sharing fan on a permanent note but in emergencies like I was in, I can share with Kabiyesi too. (If you like, eeeew! Or aaaaaw! One man’s meat…). On the kiss,I was never gonna go on that type of strike.

Yes,Tonto Dike like me


3 thoughts on “On missing toothbrushes…and all other matters ancilliary

  1. And here I was thinking that men in war torn countries had the most dangerous lives and jobs…. Apparently you have it worse.


  2. Interesting write up on chemistry signals and reactions from couples..To some the tootbrush can never be shared- on hygiene grounds while some see the art of sharing as igniting the love..*smiles*


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