If I had a Junior Wife

Together as one?
Photo credit: Shawn Atkinson

 

I can have a junior wife. I mean it.  

I imagine how I would jump off my couch, reduce the volume of my AfricaMagic movie and break into a traditional welcome song and dance. The typical junior wife would be very worried by that show of nicety but I have a structure in my head that would assuage her fears.

Looks: See, as the Queen Mother I ensure that everyone coming out of the Palace looks downright impeccable. I will not take her shopping of course, I hate ready-made traditional attires. I will sit down and personally sew dresses for her. they would be beautiful fabrics converted into very long shapeless caftans and baggy trousers. Look at the rubber hair I made in my previous post, that is the official Palace hair. I shall show her the beauty of drawing designs on our bodies with lali, those Mary-kay things na wash.

Palace Maintenance: This is one palace where we do not employ maidservants so everybody must work,even I the Queen Mother is not exempted from house chores. Howvever, I would not like to take her shine. She must be allowed to impress Kabiyesi by showing off how she was well brought up. I would show her where we keep our scrubbing brushes, buckets and detergent. Everyone in the palace would be instructed to drop their clothes for her to wash. We assume know they trained her well.

Food: Food is very important, Kabiyesi is not a fan of non-homemade meals. I will not take her shine here too. I shall hands-off all cooking activities in the palace. New wife will show us with pride, all the African and continental dishes she knows how to prepare. I already imagine myself sipping my Mirinda and Vodka mix with satisfaction after a full meal.

Royal Vehicles: I will not take her shine once again. It is a thing of pride to say later “I was with my husband from the beginning”. So Kabiyesi’s vehicle or mine will not be used for her transportation, I want her to remember her early days of public transport later on and be proud of how far she has come.

Omo-obas: This one just makes me extra happy, this is like a dream come true, my own personal nanny! I am very nice as I said earlier or…do you think I was joking?. I shall not mind her learning how to take care of kids with mine. I and Kabiyesi would warn her,that the way she treats my kids is to show us the way she would treat hers. She would be inspired to take special care. We assume know that she would be a good mother.

Kabiyesi’s room:  We live by division of labour in the Palace and it would be unfair to expect her to enter that room after all the scrubbing,mopping,cooking,babysitting, jumping danfo and dodging keke. Hian! Do we want to kill her for her parents? We promise, in fact on oath, that as long as she lives she will never be invited into that room.

What will I now be doing seeing as she would have taken over almost every other thing?  Olori Achalugo is the Queen Mother, Administrator General of the Omo-oba reproduction division of the palace.  I will not delegate that duty, too many hands will spoil that particular soup.

I feel the need to let you know that I fight for my loved ones, if because of all the above I hear anybody call my junior wife a glorified house-help, I will Slap that person.

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