Fruit of my Loins


By Lilian Ezejelue.

Lilian Ezejelue is the Writer of five bestselling novels, lots of block buster movie scripts that have set box office record and a great TV presenter. All this she achieved in her dreams. This alone should tell you all you need to know about me. I am a dreamer and sometimes get so lost in my dreams Iforget to live. One advice, Don’t be anything like me.

Idris ruffled his son’s hair as they moved towards the table where Edet sat. Alone. Idris frowned and turned to Ada
“He was supposed to come with a number two.”

Ada shrugged, raised both palms heavenwards, turned her lips down and raised her eye brows all at once.
“You seem unperturbed by the fact that your best friend is still playing blissful bachelor at thirty five and making no plans to get a wife.”

They got to the table. Ishmael stood; Idris shook hands with him, pulled a chair out for his son and sat after him. Edet pulled a chair for Ada and she smiled her gratitude as she sat. She was used to their son, and not herself, being the centre of Idris’ world.

“So Edet why are you alone today of all days. Idris seems to think i am not doing my job as your best friend by nagging you to get a wife.”  She was saying as Edet sat after her.

“Good evening uncle Edet” Ishmael greeted cheerfully. Edet’s heart constricted like it always does whenever Ishmael called him ‘uncle Edet’, however he didn’t let it show.

“My big man” he clapped young Ishmael on the shoulder. “You keep growing bigger every day. How old are you again?

“Six whole years” Ishmael replied proudly raising his hands and counting out six fingers. His parents smiled, so did some other guests at the restaurant who had been admiring his cute form since he walked in with his parents.

“Wow! Six is surely whole! And you get more handsome with each passing year, just like your father”

Ada looked at him uneasily then turned to her husband, smiling “You hear that, even Edet thinks you are handsome.” The proud father returned his wife’s smile then faced Edet.

“You can have your mini handsome when you are ready to become responsible and quit gallivanting.”

He gestured to the empty chair by Edet’s right side “We agreed you would bring a lady. It’s valentine’s day for Christ’s sake”

“I know what day it is. Besides, today should be spent with loved ones. Well here i am with the ones i love most” he spread his arms out towards all three of them in his usual boisterous, easy going manner that gets all the ladies swooning.

“What else could I ask for? Come on let’s order.” Ruffling Ishmael’s hair he leaned over in a mock whisper loud enough for everyone to hear “What you say we order young man? I’m starving”.

“Me too” he seconded already opening the menu.

“Ishmael is there a pit of some sorts in your stomach you just ate”

“Yes mum, there is, a hollow space leading from my stomach down through this long pipe called intestines and out through the rectum to the toilet. It’s bottomless and never gets full”

Ada looked at him surprised, his father looked at him proud and Edet… well Edet looked with a mixture of both.

“Where did you learn all of that from?” They all turned to look at the lady who just voiced their thoughts. The waitress had come to take their orders and heard Ishmael’s apt description of how the body works.

“I learnt it from school. Basic science “he supplied nonchalantly unaware of the emotions his answer evoked in these adults, he went on leafing through the menu.
“Some biology students don’t even know that!” The waitress shook her head and left with their orders.
“Can I take a shot at the games section while we wait for our food?”
“Sure you can” Idris allowed, reaching into his wallet to get money out. Edet beat him to it.
“Thanks Uncle” Ishmael collected the money and skipped off to the games loft.
“The waitress looks cute”
“Don’t go there Idris” Edet warned. “I’m fine.”
“You are 35!”
“You think I need a reminder? Come off it man.”
“Hey simmer down guys. We are here for dinner not your usual banter.” Ada tried to come between them.
“Wait he needs to hear this from someone.”

Edet had had enough. He discreetly rammed his knee beneath their table and a glass of wine toppled over, pouring into Idris laps.

“Damn” Idris was on his feet instantly. Ada and Edet shot to theirs too. Edet feigned concern. Ada glared at him, her lips twitching as she tried to hide a smile. Her eye brows furrowed, frowning. She knew he had done that on purpose.
Idris grabbed a napkin and dabbed at the spill.

“So sorry my guy. It wasn’t intentional.” Edet apologized without meaning it. Just one more word from Idris and he would hit him where it’ll hurt most.

“Fine I’ll get somebody, anybody, just to make you happy, even if he’s a man.”
“Tufiakwa! Please I’m not ready to come visit you for the 14 yrs you’ll be in prison, best friend or not.”
“At least i’ll be in the midst of other men. Stupid law makers and their law. A man is gay and you choose to punish him by locking him up in a cell with other men? Isn’t that free license to become Gaylord?”
“I wonder o. Nigeria sha and their laws.” Ada agreed.
“Law or no law, we know you aren’t gay and if not for anything get married so you can have something to show for your life.”
“Why have you taken my marriage matter on your head ehn? Even my parents don’t nag me about it like you do. Haba leave me. I have everything any married man has” .

He was fuming already and his raised voice drew attention to their table.

“No you don’t. You don’t have a child to call your own, an heir to carry on your legacy when you are gone. One thing you’ve got to experience is the pride I feel at being a father to such a wonderful boy like Ishmael.”

The blow came then.
“You are not his father, I am”  He shouted and stood banging his hand on the table.
“Idris’ face was a study in emotion; shock crossed it first, then disbelief, followed by amusement and when he looked at his wife’s face, bowed in shame, an answer in itself, anger took over permanently.

“I won, I won, I won!” Ishmael ran back to the table flaunting his prize. He stopped short. Edet pulled him close.

“He’s my son, the fruit of my loins”



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