When Conception Goes Awry…

Adebukola Akintoye; I’m a friendly, bubbly,accommodating, open-minded, free-thinking, considerate and loving person. I’m into the business of making delectable and decadent confectionery.

“A happy person is not a person in certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes”

– Hugh Downs.

When Chioma asked me to do this write-up, a lot of questions came to my mind, one of which was – how to get across to everyone (experiencing different challenges) that would read this piece? I came to a conclusion to just talk about my experience and how I got through it.

 
I have been happily married to a wonderful man for 5 years and God has blessed us with an adorable son. We had been trying to give him a mini-me for some time now but it just wasn’t happening. I held on to God knowing he would perfect the conception when the time is right.

 

Late last year I was happy to finally conceive, only for my dreams to come crashing down as I was diagnosed with ectopic pregnancy after a series of tests. Of course I cried on the day the tests began, then I thought ‘God put it there, he has done it for me before; he can do it again’ and then I let go singing “JESUS take the wheels”(for those that know the song; it became my national anthem).

My husband fasted and prayed in hope that I wouldnt go under the knife a second time (I had a caesarean birth for my son) but I had undergo surgery to save my life, the foetus had to be removed from the left ovary where it was attached instead of it being in the uterus; to the glory of God I didn’t lose any of my organs.

The Bible says in all things give thanks. I’m grateful I’m alive today; it is of God’s mercies that I wasn’t consumed, because a lot of women have met an unexpected end to their lives from this disorder. God was my strength during this period. I simply held onto his words and promises for me . To some, it might sound cliché and others might say; I already have a son it’s easy for me to find solace in that (I totally agree it played a great role because I thank God always for my little angel), but there are two things I would like to point out:

1. No one can make you happier than you: I choose to make myself happy despite the situation I find myself. For example, I remember when I was seeking admission into university, I would only cry on the day I got my failed JAMB result, I would be sober on the second day and by the third day I’m back to my jolly self, but my sister just couldn’t understand how one would fail JAMB thrice and still be okay considering my mates were approaching their third year. My chain of thought was that even if I cry till next year it doesn’t change my score or grant me admission, I can be moody till next year all I will get from people is sympathy and comments like try harder next time… but I chose to surround myself with positivity and prepare for the next exam . Bottom line, I don’t linger over spilled milk I painfully clean it up and look for another jar of milk.

2. When the burden is too heavy, lay it at God’s feet: God knew us before we took our first breath and he knows when we will breathe the last. When issues and circumstances are beyond our understanding just let go and lay it at his feet. God said his thoughts for us is of good and not of evil, He said he is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above and beyond all we could ever ask or think if we would let him carry our burdens. He died taking away all our reproaches and problems. He said we should ask and we will receive… the promises are endless.

Sometimes it seems God is a million miles away, but the fact that he has kept us alive and preserved us means we have a purpose that is yet to be fulfilled. When I was pregnant with my son, between the 6th and 7th month, they detected that my amniotic fluid was inadequate; my baby was under weight and was breech. The doctor said if he was big enough they would have operated me that very day, I left the hospital crying despite the doctors re-assurance. I called my husband, friends and parents crying causing everyone to panic, before I knew it I had people at home comforting me. After they had all gone, I thought to myself my tears and calls haven’t changed anything, then I remembered the doctor saying

“if we could replace the fluid we would do it right away but God is the only one who knows how it gets there, all u can do is pray he replenishes the fluid”

From that point on I laid it at his feet and by the time I did the next scan all was well(except he chose to remain seated hence the nickname chairman). “Being defeated is only a temporary condition, giving up is what makes it permanent”. Strong faith is the antidote for doubt. Equip yourself with the word of God it will be your life jacket in the storm of life.

Life throws curve balls at us every now and then , if we stay down defeated every time we get hit our lives will be a total misery. To everyone that is reading this, no matter how sad you or how hopeless the case may seem (you are better off than many), remember that God loves you and he will never give you what you can’t handle, ask him for strength to pull through he will never leave or forsake you.

Do not wallow in self- pity, go out, do things that make you happy, comfortable and confident because “sometimes in life you just got to give yourself what you wish others will give you”; irrespective of what people say or think as long as it is not a sin before God. It’s ok to cry in your closet once in a very long while because it’s important you let it out. The crucial point is not to let it weigh you down.

The extent of your vision is the boundary of your blessings. Your happiness and destiny is in your hands!

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