On Mazes and Pencils…a mini rant on keeping your parenting business to yourself

For people who are not fans of the social media, one point they repeatedly raise in trying to assert the disadvantages, is that a number of people post photos or status updates to soothe some attention seeking parts of themselves.

I never engage in these debates, I just think we are all there for something, find your fulfilment while I find mine. And sometimes, one of my fulfilments is that I am another person’s fulfilment.

I digress.

I quickly want to share my thoughts on Opinionated parenting. I coin these things to give expression to how my head sees stuff. To put it softly in pidgin, parenting that you observe and makes you ask in your mind -‘Who ask you?’

The responsibility of bringing up children that society and families would be proud of is a collective one, but the bulk lies primarily on the parents.

When it comes to expressing one’s parenting skills, I am a firm believer of the MALT approach. (I learnt this from my friend Yvonne years ago, it simply means ‘More action less talk’). In other words, get on with your parenting and spare us unsolicited talks of how you go about it!

We do not want to know why you believe in flogging kids, or why you dont, just bring these kids up good. Spare us your social media posts where you whine on and on about which you think is right.

We do not want to know why you believe Nannies are a better option to Daycare centres, just keep your baby safe.

We do not want to read through the long threads you create on your posts, because you have gone and told another mother that she is wrong for giving her kids Ribena packs, and you are better because you pluck the berries you self and squeeze the juice out.

We are not pleased with your attacks on the mother who is relaxing her daughter’s hair simply because you are the latest recruit to team nashural and it is still shacking you.

We find it silly too, the discussions you attempt to raise on a child’s Lingua. That a parent speaks her native language to her kids makes her a supermom, and the one who doesn’t is a fake ass oyibo wannabe. Seriously?

I tell my child “100watts, bia” and she answers and someone goes

“Ehen! Good mother, Nigerian languages are dying and people are busy being fake and copying oyibo and speaking English to their children”.

I do not appreciate or tolerate these manner of compliments, simply because I take approach and the way words are couched very seriously.

I will speak my language to my children, because it is my culture, it is what comes naturally to me, it is something that I am proud of and I have decided to pass down to my generation. It is not a ‘save indigenous languages’ battle that I fight with anyone.

I also certainly think it is offensive to those who do not share the idea, to say that they are being fake speaking English to their kids. I shall also speak English to mine and it would gladden my heart that they get profiecient at whatsoever languages they try to learn.

We have too many virtual wars already, let us raise our children quietly and dilligently.

It is time to link the beginning of my post to the end.

So over to these people who go louding these their parenting views on social media? Is it that you seek some sort of validation from your friends/followers on your parenting decisions?

Perhaps, your controversial takes on some of life issues worry you at night and you cannot sleep, and then you try to see if there are some people who reason like you out there. And then, you need them for reassurance so you can go back to bed?

Are you worried that your child may grow up disadvantaged in some way by the decisions you take as a parent? So you do a post, which in the grand analysis is just a poll of the number of people whose kids may be in the same boat as yours later in life.

Do the ‘likes’ on these your opinions give you immense pleasures? Are you aware that these likes remain what they are, virtual likes? Are you aware that there are no supermom trophies/medals to be gotten from these social media outlets?

Your children are not here to validate your choices in life or make you feel good.

I think it’s a nasty habit, the next time you are at some gathering and you feel tempted to shove your opinions in people’s faces, just perform the simple exercise of lifting your hands and placing them quietly over your mouth. And if its via your smart device that this temptation beseeches thee, simply tap camera and take a selfie. See! Such a beautiful liberal minded mother, that selfie you took.

Let us raise up godfearing children, that is the goal.

Getting there is like a maze, we trace our pencils through different routes, and if we are lucky, we find what we seek.

Face your maze and pencil.

Achalugo.

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