D.N.D (Do Not Drown)

Growing up is a trick, if you can, don’t.

If you have, let us find a corner to go and cry off the steam, I’ll bring tissues. We will not cry over spilt milk, waste of time that one. We will just cry, because in one of life’s funny ways, something as sad as letting out tears can trudge you on to happiness faster.

“Breathe, Acha, breathe…”

This is how Kabiyesi teases me when he sees that my frowns are frequent from being swarmed by trying to balance it all. I get my revenge when the money demand list/Invoice for monies already spent to be refunded hits his pillow night after night

“Breathe, Kabiyesi, breathe”.  #GooseandGandertinz.

But seriously, do not drown. Don’t let the stress and pressures deprive you from the joys of every day living. You are not here to pay bills and die, or to exist and not live. So here are some random swimming tips;

1. To-do List

Our brains are quite efficient organs, but even the best of machineries react to overload. Ease the burden on your mind, WRITE every single thing down. You should do this every morning, and even set out dates for future events you are certain about. This helps in two ways;
*You do not forget
*You have less things running through your head because you have them on paper

Bonus, there is this awesome feeling that comes with ticking what you have done. For really important tasks, don’t hesitate to write twice. E.g I get so busy that you may find on my list in four places

‘Drink water’ ‘Take your supplements’.

2. Delegate

This is my weak point. I like to do everything myself, this is because things dance konkosa in my head when I see something I delegated shoddily done. I realized however, that Konkosa is better than the dance of failure. It would help that you are reviewing five delegated work/chores and doing five, compared to doing ten yourself.

Train the people under you patiently, and this cuts across the work place, homes etc. E.g Ms.C in my house used to fry plaintain in a manner that made me wince. I stopped asking her to make dodo. After a while,  she asked me why, and I realised I should simply have had her practice the right way.

Me: When you allow the oil get very hot and you throw the plantain in, it gets brown in seconds and you bring it out. You are glad you have been fast, but it’s simply brown outside and uncooked inside.

Ms.C: Really!

Corrections noted, everyone is happy. The kids don’t have to crave for dodo in my absence.

3. Easy on yourself

You didn’t get that task done? Don’t beat yourself about deadlines that pass. You can’t bring them back, can you? Go back to No.1

4. Watch your plate

Don’t serve yourself more than you can eat. You don’t have to do 100 things on Monday, you know? My Boss at work teases me sometimes

“Achalugo, if you finish everything today, what will you do tomorrow?”

In my mind i’m like, this one wants to unleash my inner laziness. Still, the truth and  wisdom remains in that question

5. Coldstone

I’m sorry to throw this in the middle of the list, but Coldstone icecream solves a lot of problems and worries. Some naughty people in the office know that you can change my mood with this small sentence

“Achalugo, when we are done I’ll get you some Coldstone”

If coldstone isn’t your Magic, find yours.

6. Sleep

Sleep. Seriously. The world won’t stop to wait for you because you are consistently up on your Laptop into the wee hours of the morning. So sleep.

7. Cut down your Sleep

Contradictory. C’est la vie

You will sleep all you want when you are dead. It is absolutely encouraged to sleep late or wake up early to do some work or study for that professional exam.As they say on twitterville these days

“Who sleep don help?”

You will look back with astounding pain when you jam rock that you could have demolished by keeping awake just a little more.

Find your balance, don’t over sleep everyday, don’t undersleep most days.

8. Dear Moms

Please look in your child’s homework everyday. They are the reason for our toiling. Set out lunchbox packs the night before. Cook meals that are freezer friendly over the weekend and warm per day. E.g Jollof rice. Make stews and throw in. Your child’s nutrition is important. Don’t be an Indomie mother. This is what some kids take to school everyday. They may have noodles at anytime of the day, but I advise mothers to cut out ‘Indomie and egg’ from lunchboxes. Buy your fruits for the week and give them daily. Etc etc.

9. Dear Men

Plan for the week. Try to withdraw the money you need for a week and be disciplined about it. Don’t let these ATMs make you forget the age long wisdom of putting money in milk kom-kom in your wardrobe, or hiding it in one pocket trouser. This will save you from having to think about withdrawing monies for things that are already budgeted for.

“The ATM is not paying”. You will now be angry at others instead of your procastination.

On a general note, build your reserves!

10. Dear Spouses

I am passionate about parenting and family life. Your relationship is important, dont allow stress weaken your communication. Send messages to each other during the day, be a gossip to your spouse -no holds barred.

“Kabiyesi, aunty busybody is on my case again”

“If you see what this aboki just did”

Send the important stuff, send the baseless stuff. Share links to that tweet you think they would find amusing. Don’t go weeks without sex, and when you are both too tired, glory in cuddles, pillow talks and every other way of achieving the intimacy goal.

It’s easy to think only women have headaches, ask your friends, there are scores of men too tired to even notice your nakedness or hints. Don’t make her lock the door one day and have you call the office sick o.

I’m stopping because it’s ten, but there is this lovely business seminar I have been invited to.

They think i’m cool enough to speak on time planning and management, (slides on cool shades) It’s exciting to look forward to. Remember this year is to #ShareHappiness.

Bonus bit: Multitask! I started this post as soon as I entered this salon to make my hair. They were pretty fast, they are done and so am I. I also stole frequent glances at the court rules I set to finish by weekend.

On a random note, I discovered a new way to get these braiders not to pull my hair too tight

“Aunty, do it anyhow, i’m carrying it for only three days, It’s for a photoshoot”

With a little bit of 100Watts

You are welcome people,
Achalugo.

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