“Have a baby, it will be fun” they said

Then I went and had three, and this should be triple fun, applying elementary arithmetics.


Disclaimer: This is not a rant

It’s 2.45am, and I am being subjected to insomnia under duress. It all began at about 4.00pm, when I did a quick check on them from the office. They were asleep, we like when they are asleep. At about 10.00pm, I began to wonder, this peace and quiet, won’t I pay dearly for it? Lord, pleaseee, I prayed and buried myself under the duvet.

It didn’t take long.

“Mommy” came the coo, soft as a kitten’s purr.

I squeezed my eyes tighter, pretend, Acha. In quick succession, the duvet was flung back and a hot slap rang my ears.

Container, and she was laughing!

“I want Goldenmorn”

No protest, I was grateful I hadn’t slept far. As soon as I finished with the cereal, 100Watts burst in

“Good morning mommy!”

“It is not morning” I rolled my eyes


I paused

“Hey, if you want Goldenmorn too better talk now”

“I don’t want”

Fantastic, I went back to bed.

I dreamt that I was shopping for bikinis’, I have been meaning to swim, so it came as no surprise. Infact, I felt water all over me and smiled in my dream, till the water entered my ears and woke me up

“What na!” I shrieked

Container smiled again, her typical mischief laden smile. She held a full bottle of water and her cup, and had been pouring it right beside me.

“I need to sleep, you both, behave”

100Watts issues their legendary disclaimer

“I’m not there o”

In this house, I’m not there o isn’t exactly innocence. It is a declaration of proud delight at being able to extricate yourself from the crime scene before Mommy or Daddy arrive.

I attempted sleep again.

Row your boat, really!

I gave up and settled into being a multipurpose playground. I’ve been the bouncy castle, I’ve been the horse, I’ve refereed fights, I’ve sat through singing pain of about twenty nursery rhymes like a judge at Project fame.

The most recent demand, like now now.
“Mommy, I want Spagetti and stew” as the private cuisine that I am na.

Kabiyesi mutters every now and then

“Ohhh goodness!”

I can’t even laugh, I tap him and whisper the words of our officers when they stop you and realise your papers are complete but something gotta give –Oga we are together.

Consoling, no?



11 thoughts on ““Have a baby, it will be fun” they said

  1. So aptly describes motherhood. Just had my third and it so so tough. I keep tellling everyone is my last and as typical Naija people, no one believes me or think its enough. Nne well done


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